Crack, Sea Salt, and Pairings! Oh My!
by Jayrin Paige
Summary: Riku and Axel are bored, exploring Ansem's old computer, when Axel starts talking about.. pairings? Hints of RokuSor/SoRoku, AkuRoku/RokuAku, RikuSor/SoRiku/ and heavy hints of AkuRiku.


Riku stood in front of Ansem's computer in Hollow Bastien, Axel standing next to him, looking as Riku explored the computer.

"Honestly, I'm serious. This so called 'Twincest' between Sora and Roxy is HOT!"

"Axel, you're a perv. They're practically the same person!"

"Sooo?" The so-called 'perv' put his hands on his hips in a defiant motion.

"Soo? What do you mean 'soo'? They're freaking.. IN each other for God's sake!" Riku frowned and crossed his arms.

"And that's as sexy as it sounds."

"… My God.." Riku rolled his eyes, "Seriously.. It's so wrong, in SO many ways."

"Well being wrong is what makes it hot! Speaking of wrong.. Me and Roxy!"

"What? You and Roxas?" Riku snorted in laughter.

"Don't be so surprised! Surprisingly fan girls or something find the whole me being a 'pedophile' thing sexy, since no one actually KNOWS my age!" Axel smirked smugly.

Riku raised an eyebrow, "How old ARE you anyway?"

"I dunno, ask Square Enix." The redhead shrugged.

"Who?"

The redhead shrugged again, "Not sure, I think that was just a way for the authoress to proclaim that she does not own us in anyway-"

"What the hell? You're rambling Axel."

"Oh, sorry sorry, so anyway.. Roxy and me!"

Riku groaned and continued typing.

"They consider it hot because of the 'best friends but more' thing we have going on!"

Begin toning out the talkative red-head…

"And cause I'm damn sexy, and Roxy is like-"

Annd.. Now.

"Blahblahblahblahblahblah" was all that Riku heard, glad that knowing Sora and his nonstop talking gave him the skills to fend off other talkative people from invading his mind.

"Blahblah-hot-blahblah-steamy-blahblah-shower-blahblah-sex- blahblah," Axel continued.

"Wait WHAT?!" Riku broke in once he heard those words, "Hot steamy what!?"

Axel looked at Riku," Yeah, you heard me."

Riku just stared. And stared. And stared.

And Axel just grinned. And grinned. And grinned.

"…" Awkward silence..

"So anyway!" The redhead lifted his hands up into the air, "Another pairing that fan girls consider hot.. You and Sora!"

Riku's mouth fell open, "Whaaat?!"

"Yep! Best friends from young ages! Sora traveling all over the worlds to find you! Your heartfelt reunion in the 'World That Never Was'!" Axel put his hands together in a show of mock heartfelt emotion, "It's beautiful really!"

Riku blushed and glared at the teary redhead, "Shut up.."

Axel just grinned, "Then there are the 'crack' pairings!"

"Crack.. Pairings?" Riku asked,although he was mildly afraid to ask.

"Yep! Roxy and Sora are considered one, but its pretty damn hot if you ask me!"

"I didn't-"

"Then theres you and Roxas!"

"What?!"

"Admit it Riku, staring at the kid makes you want to kidnap him."

"What! No! Not Roxas! Sora mayb-" Riku didn't look up from the screen.

"Whoaaa… Figured." Axel's eyes widened.

Riku snapped his head to look at Axel, "Wait what?! No wait! GAHH!!!"

"Haha, anyway.. Then theres.. Me and Sora!" The red heads face lighted up.

"What! Sora's mine!-" Riku snarled slightly.

"Whoa, whoa settle down. It's a fan girl thing!" Axel backed away.

"Hmph." Riku turned back to the computer.

"Stupid overprotective silverhaired boy with huge ass biceps-" Axel mumbled under his breathe.

"I heard that Axel."

Axel winced, "Uhh.. Oh yeah! There's also one other pairing I've heard of!"

"Do I want to know?" Riku replied, still typing on the computer.

An evil grin sneaked onto the redhead's face, "Maybe?"

"Why would I be intere-"

"Me and you, that's all that's left ain't there?" Axel smirked and slipped an arm around Riku's waist.

"What the hell?" Riku smacked the arm away, before backing up.

"Exactly what I thought," Axel continued his tirade of invading personal space by pushing the younger silver haired teen onto the computer table/desk/counter thingie that the authoress isn't entirely sure about, "What IS so interesting about this pairing? Hmm?"

"Wha-wha.. Get off me!" Riku attempted to push the pyro off of him, unsuccessfully though. Axel's hands trapped Riku, unfortunately for him, and made it impossible to escape or kick him in very uncomfortable places.

"Not until my little experiment is done." Axel winked at his captive and leaned in, veerry close to his face. Riku could feel Axel's breath on his face, and he also felt him getting closer and closer.

Just as Axel closed the distance between them-

"Roxas! Come on! Don't hog the ice cream! I want some too!"

"Sora stop it! Just because you finished yours in like.. Point five seconds doesn't mean I have to share mine!!"

"Roxaaaaaaaaaaas!" The brunet and the blonde walked into the computer room, side by side, with Roxas holding a seasalt icecream. Roxas was attempting to fend off Sora from stealing his icecream, when he noticed their two friends on the computer table, in the very awkward position.

Sora, who hadn't noticed, stole the delicious sea salt ice cream from the stunned blonde, and was about to cry in victory when he saw..

"…" Sora gaped.

"Hwaa.." Roxas gasped incoherent words.

"…"Axel and Riku stared in horrified shock.

The ice cream dropped from the brunet's hand, and the blondes mind seemed to have stopped working.

"Uhh.. Roxy.. I can.. Explain?"

"Uhhhh.. Sora, Uhh… "

More gaping, more melting ice cream on the floor, more braindead Roxas.

"Fuck," breathed Axel, "I think we killed their brains."

"We?" Riku glared at Axel, "WE?!?!" he broke out of Axel's hold.

Riku snarled and looked like he was going to rip out Axel's throat.

"Wait…" Roxas seemed to have gotten his ability to speak coherently again! Hooray!

"Is there something we should know about?" Sora, forgetting about the icecream, continued.

"Umm.." Riku awkwardly glanced to nowhere in particular.

"Crack?" Axel half-heartedly grinned, in an attempt to get out of a life long torture.

No such luck.


End file.
